Remembering Curran

Today is October 25th, which is incidentally the birthday of my beloved little nephew, Curran Todd Pace, who passed away 14 months ago from lukemia at the young age of 10 months.

I cannot know, nor hope that I ever have to, what it must mean to lose a child. I have spent so many nights lying in bed thinking of my sister and brother-in-law and the painful hole that Curran's death branded permanently in their lives. I cannot even fathom it. After writing, or more aptly, "relating" a poem from Curran to his mother, I felt for a short time and amidst a torrent of tears, a sadness and loneliness I've never felt before. I cannot say it was the same grief that my sister has felt, but I think perhaps I was shown just a fragment of her sadness.

Neal A. Maxwell once said, "Empathy during agony is a portion of divinity." I have seen this intimately applied by my sister and her husband. They suffer daily from the loss of their first son, and yet they find ways to serve and sutain others unselfishly.

What an example of Christlike love. It inspired me today, after having talked to my sister on the phone and listening to her laugh and play with her two daughters and new baby son. Love is a great healer, even though her loss will always remain with her.

That is the blessing of this day, I suppose. Remembering to love those we have while we can, and serving them amidst frustrations, disappointments and hectic schedules. I resolve to do better.

Peace and quiet

It's so late but I couldn't go to bed without first writing something, especially since I didn't make a concerted effort to find those hidden blessings today. I wa a bit preoccupied with the peripheral details of life.

So here goes:

I think today's blessing would have to be the joy of relaxing and enjoying the peaceful moments. Wednesday is really our only day that isn't run-around-crazy after school right now, and so we came home and just enjoyed being home. I must admit that I love rainy afternoons when there are no demands on our time and attention, and we can just hang out. I know this won't last forever; I know they will be increasingly busy as they grow older, so I'm really just trying to build lasting memories with them now while I can.

I'm grateful the Lord provides us opportunities here in mortality to just enjoy our lives in quiet ways. I feel so very blessed being where I am, with those who I'm with.

It's a beautiful day

What a fantastically beautiful day!! If there is nothing more to be said for the Northwest lifestyle, let it be said that we Northwesterners know how to fully appreciate a beautiful day. The temp got into the high 70s and the sun shone in full force all day long.

I think its interesting how sometimes when life seems dreary (not unlike the winter weather here in Western Washington), Heavenly Father, in his infinite grace and wisdom, throws us the proverbial bone of a beautiful day. I am grateful that, regardless of what trial I am experiencing, there is always something beautiful, no matter how small or insignificant, that can be found if looked for.

Still no cat. I really miss my Owen.

Time sometimes takes her time in telling...

Aahh! Our beloved cat Owen is missing. He escaped (literally) on Saturday afternoon and hasn't been seen since. My sweet Kate and Tanner are distraught, and its hard to find a blessing blended into so much innocent sorrow. So we continue to pray for his return, knowing that the Lord loves his animals as well as his children, but that sometimes a miracle is manifested in the unseen corners of the heart.

I think perhaps the blessing in this may be that the sorrow felt by my children is chiseling greater room for empathy and compassion in their souls; virtues they will need in great abundance as they grow and become more acquainted with this world and its myriad glories and grief.

So regardless of the outcome of Owen's recent adventure, I have great faith that the Lord takes into account the result of our grief as much as the suffering of it. As we sometimes must discipline our children for their own good, and suffer ourselves when we see them suffer, so too we must remember that the blessings we ask for often come after sadness stretches the margins of the heart and we eventually accept that the miracle is in the changing of ourselves. The Lord suffers with us in every aspect of our sorrows, but he knows the good that can come from such experiences. I believe this to be true.

But we'd still love to have our Owen come home, and there is no shame or lack of faith in praying for that...

Same day, different post...

Today I recognized the Lord's knowledge of one of my more prevelant weaknesses: namely, procrastination. I have been in need of a signature from a member of the Stake Presidency on my temple recommend for almost four months now. It's truly a sad sign of my poor temple attendance: four months??? For crying out loud.

I made a date with a good friend to go to the temple this upcoming Friday night. Upon making this commitment, I realized that I would somehow need to secure the afore-mentioned signature. Somehow. Stalking a stake presidency member does not necessarily fit my profile, but I considered it, as I know it would be incredibly difficult to skip Scouts, Activity Days, YW, etc., and drag my four kids to the Stake Center on Tuesday night, the designated Temple Recommend Interview night for the stake, to sit in line for an indeterminate period of time (Sean is going to be out of town this week).

I do not believe in luck in regards to spiritual matters, and was therefore most jubilant to see the Stake President, our ward's own President Dance on the stand today. To better the story, I ran smack into him in the hallway a short time after sacrament meeting ended and secured myself an immediate interview. After a great conversation and interview, I got the necessary signature and am happily anticipating my temple trip later this week.

This may seem like happenstance to someone else, but it was a sure sign of the Lord's tender mercies to me. Sometimes I believe that the Lord clears paths for us and we fail to recognize it. We therefore rob our own selves of a huge warm fuzzy from heaven. He does care; He does notice; He does love us immeasurably. I feel that tonight.

Getting started...

After reading the October 2007 Conference talk entitled, "Remember, Remember," by President Eyring, Sean and I felt inspired to follow his counsel to take closer inventory of the blessings and manifestations of the Lord's hand in our lives. I know he's created his own blog to do something similar, but I feel it important to take the opportunity to look more closely at the love God offers me and my family. This blog is an attempt to relay these experiences and thoughts to my children, and anyone really who may care.